A story about The Scottish Play.

Almost a year and a half ago I was sweating myself to death in London, just two months in to the epic Project Wanderlust. Kendra, Mal, and I were living in a fairly small one-room studio for the month, and we were about to be joined by our friend Kylie who would be staying for a fortnight (I know, what were we thinking? Things got . . . cozy. Not like that, pervs).

More rambling below the jump.

Napkin

At the end of the meal, she had left over pancakes. She made an incredibly sad face and covered them with her napkin. “It’s so I don’t have to watch them go. It’s making me too sad. They were SO good!”

Later, when we were saying good bye for the last time, she beckoned me closer to her car window while rolling it down. Suddenly a flash of white shot out of the open window. As the paper napkin settled over my head, I heard her voice saying “I don’t want to have to watch you go either.”

Note: I’m POSTING this on 5/10/2010, but it was written on 03/29/2010.

Blargh.

Blargh.

I have PlagueFlu. I am a sniffly and coughy and just generally disgusting mess. I’ve been this way all weekend, and today I tried to go to work and was sent home by my boss’s boss (who I was supposed to have a 1 on 1 with today) because I sounded like the Spectre of Death out of some sort of bad horror film. Yes, I sound that terrifically awful.

So now 1 on 1 has been rescheduled and I am waiting for sheets to be done drying (I had put them in the washer before leaving for work) so I can go back to my lovely new bed. DID I MENTION NEW BED?!? Tempur-Pedic Classic (low end but still awesomely awesome), which takes a bit of getting used to but I’m already sleeping soooo much better than I have in years!

WHY WON’T THE STUPID SHEETS FINISH DRYING!?!?! I just wanna sleeeeeeeeeep . . . . . . . .

~A.

So.

So.

What to say, what to say. Well, very few people get all their news Ash from this source these days, but I still need to put an update up here.

I don’t even know how to say it, but my dearest and deepest friend who hasn’t become part of my family has suffered a tragic loss, and while I might overuse this term I feel, it is appropriate. I have been bleeding for her. My dear sweet Meggan, who was due in a few days, lost her baby last week. The details are morbid and not something that need to be shared, but she is one of the strongest women I know and so is recovering bit by bit. I’m happy to say that her husband Reuben has been incredibly supportive of her during this horrific time and I only wish that I could take away her pain. That I could do anything for her.

I wish this was some sort of elaborate hoax. It’s been an utterly and completely devastating week . . . more than I would have ever thought it could have been. Instead of being able to provide any sort of help to my oldest female friend, I have found myself constructively sitting at home alone a lot. Drinking. Well, not entirely alone. I’ve had a lot of friends drop by and check up on me, especially at first. They’ve been really great. At first work was looking like they were gonna be a great big pile of douche but then they turned themselves around and ended up going waaaay above and beyond what they had to in any way, shape or form, and as such I’ve been given more time to spend with my one true friend, intoxication.

I just wanted to thank a few people specifically. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a complete mother fucking mess and it is happily past noon so after sending this I feel fully justified in going to get a drink (I’ve been sober for two days so you can all go fuck yerselves). But nonetheless there are several people who have been amazing and I wanted to mentioned them. First off, I wanted to thank and of course give my deepest of sympathies to my Meggan. I weep. Then there’s the Powell who understood me enough to know that when I said “I’m fine,” I wasn’t fine so off to the bar we went. New friend Lynette who brought booze over and drunkenly watched bad teen movies with me at ridiculously early hours of the morning. Pete, who said his first Hail Mary in Latin in over a year as a favour for me. I know how hard that must have been for him, and I don’t know if he understands just how much I appreciate it. My folks have also been amazing in helping me realize that it’s OK to in fact mourn. I’m not so good with that sometimes. Oh, and Bowlesie, who wrote me out of the middle of nowhere, concerned about me. Because that kind of personal history bloody rocks. And finally Sarah. Just Sarah.

Sounded like a bloody Oscar’s acceptance speech. But I’m just grateful to these people, and if I don’t write it down here, where else?

~Ash.

Supernatural-OMG-FTW

Supernatural-OMG-FTW

Short and sweet.

Awesomesauce.

Just checked, and yeah. Mr. Old Testament says angels are about a million times scarier than demons.

Cause demons didn’t lay waste to any cities.

And even if they had, they wouldn’t have gone home all happy and whatnot thinking they had just done the will of God. At least demons know they’re evil.

Just saying.

~A.

P.S. Oh, and Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day. Yar.

Wow.

Wow.

I’ve not logged on to MySpace in a loooooong time, so when I was awoken abruptly this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep, I decided to get online. I’m surprised to discover that I have just shy of 200 “friends” (most of which I DO actually know) in my friends list . . .

. . . AND 84% OF THEM ARE PREGNANT!*

So I guess my generation really did miss the memo on birth control. Either that or I’m at the age where I’m supposed to grow up, get married, and start having kids.

Nah. Sticking with the too stupid to buy condoms.

~Ash.

*The 84% refers to women’s profiles, or in the case of men’s profiles, the women in their lives.**

**84% is a totally made up proportion. Do you really think I’m gonna count them all? Silly reader. But it is a shit ton of them.

An observation.

An observation.

Yes, yes. I read some celebrity gossip websites. And by “some” I mean “one.” What Would Tyler Durden Do? is too amusing to pass up. The author is hilarious and for once doesn’t take himself or his subject matter too seriously.

That’s point one. Point two is that on Monday I got back from Hawai’i. After a six hour flight (of which I am terrified), a seven hour delay (which upset me greatly), and a loss of three hours to time change (which just generally sucks), I wasn’t really in a position to enjoy much in the world. That did not stop me from going to see The Dark Knight, however. Since then many people have asked me what I thought. I’ve not known what to say. I was exhausted. The movie was interminable. And the knowledge that I was watching the last thing one of my favourite actors would ever do was incredibly depressing to me (not the least of which because he was 28 when he died from irresponsible use of perfectly legal drugs, which is scary to any 28 year old who is on a lot of perfectly legal drugs from various doctors).

ANYWAY. The point to all this is this link, wherein the author sums up his thoughts about Mr. Ledger’s performance quite succinctly and in a minimum of words.

After having read this short article, I no longer am on the fence about the movie. It was FUCKING AWESOME and I want to go punch some of the no-talent ass-clowns that Hollywood calls actors in the face.

Just sharing.

~A.

I don’t condone cruelty to animals, but . . .

I don’t condone cruelty to animals, but . . .

. . . I’m considering taking up voodoo. Kauai has chickens. Lots of them. Theories abound as to why (YouTube of some jackass feeding some) but in all likelihood they are so plentiful because Hurricane Iniki destroyed their chicken coups back in 1992 and no one was able to round them all up. They’ve been able to multiply so prodigiously because their only real predator is the automobile as the damned things go wandering across streets without a care in the world.

So the point of this whole story is that there are hens and roosters all over this damned island including right outside my hotel room. And those of us who were lucky enough to have been born and raised in the city are suprised to learn that roosters crow whenever they damned well feel like it. Day, night, whenever. All I can say is that the Colonel did this country a favour when he started reducing the chicken population and Baron Samedi (linky)is a really under-appreciated demi-diety!

~Ash.

Damn!

Damn!

Holy crapmonkies! SlingBox is quite possibly the coolest thing ever. Picked one up off of Woot a couple of weeks ago and just got around to hooking it up in time for me to go to Hawaii. For those not familiar, basically I hook it up to my Blooka (aka, TiVo) and it allows me to remotely access it (including saved shows) via my lappy from anywhere on the interwebz. Of course with my luck there’s a gaping security hole and I’m gonna get hacked or something just by announcing this, but whatevs. It’s too cool to pass up! I can be watching my Burn Notices, L&O: CIs, and My Boyses all from the beach or what have you!

Sad, I know, that I’m excited about watching telly in paradise, but do you really expect any less from me?!

~A.

One more day!

One more day!

One more day of my PIP (don’t get me started, but definitely a “WOOT!”-worthy item).

One more day of work before a whole week of vacation (spent in Hawaii no less!!).

One more day until the iPhone 3G comes out (which I will be [hopefully] getting!).

And finally (and most silly) . . . One more day until HellBoy II comes out! I’m probably one of about 15 people who saw the first one, but I thought it was freakin’ awesome (and Ron Pearlman is the most kick-ass gay man ever) so bring on more of the Big Red.

That is all.

~A.